to aid and inspire you during the post-holiday crash…

December 28, 2015

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(public post)

first…here’s a beautiful clip from isreal.

I needed this yesterday, for many reasons. you may need it, too.

encounters between complete strangers from different faiths and backgrounds in Israeli society with one task: to sit silently and look each other in the eye for five minutes. very abramovic.

it was made and sent to me by the same activist pals in tel aviv who hosted my bar kayma (a social co-op) gig. I met them at the same time as Breaking the Silence, the group of Israeli ex-soldiers that brought me and neil to palestine to see the other side of the story when I was in Isreal for a house party.

we know. right? no easy answers, ever.

but to start with…may we look at and truly see each other. it is not easy.

but with that, we can begin again. and again, and again.

…..

second:

if you are dealing with grief of any kind, and I know many of you are…here is a fantastic long read about embracing the isness of it.

so much of this article resonated with me, as I faced the first holidays of my grown life without Anthony. I was surrounded by wonderful family and friends, yet alone and more isolated than usual, especially now that the pregnancy-aura and mother-of-a-newborn-aura that protected me for a while are finally fading away and i’m back in the fray with everybody’s mortal stresses, fears, angers and distractions. so many around me right now are just trying to cope with loss – including me, on so many levels. death of a friend, but also experiencing birth itself as a death of an old self. it’s grief, for sure, a kind of funeral for a life while holding a magnificent baby.

neil reads these posts now, and so do some members of my family. I never want them to worry or feel aggrieved when I post stuff like this, so I’ll just wave to them (hi guys!!) and tell them not to worry…and remind them that blogging the reality of the darkness is how I cope with the darkness. always has been. I’m certainly not going to start editing now that I’ve had a child. if anything, it’s time for me to let go of some filters that haven’t been serving me over the course of the last five or six years of Internet shitstorm and expanding blogreach due to social media. this is my space, our space, the place where I can write un-edited. it’s why you’re here.

and yes, grief is not over in a week.

http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/..

…..

third:

in the article above, I loved this quote by the oft-quoted Khalil Gibran:

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.”

it reminds me of the beautiful john grant song “glacier”….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL..

this pain….

it is a glacier moving through you

and carving out deep valleys

and creating

spectacular landscapes….

once you’ve watched the film…listen and weep.

and so it is, that this is still a glacier time, a carving time, a time to create a space hopefully big enough to fit a mother and a child. he’s doubled in size since birth. we’re giant. it might take some time.

if this theory holds true, I hope to emerge from the past five or so years of my life with a space the size of the Grand Canyon to fill up with joy. I hope you all stick around to sit in ringside seats for whatever happens. I must remain optimistic.

……….

fourth:

this is not a piece of inspiring media, but news.

i need to make *some* new and untamed music I think or I will go crazy. so I may get my ass into a studio this coming month, just to get my sense of self back and record a song. if anyone knows, or is, a good babysitter in LA, I may need you. holler.

that’s all for now.

I’ll put together a nice big New Years blog.

we have a lot of talk about for next year and Things and things.

I love you guys.

please feel free to discuss your own personal glaciers in the comments, I’m reading.

x amfp

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