the danger ensemble are leaving the building in an explosion of light

March 07, 2009

when i was choosing how to tour my solo record, i had options…..i could tour solo with just the piano, i could have auditioned a back-up band.
instead, i chose to bring four actors called The Danger Ensemble and a violinist with me.

a lot of people told me that it was a dumb idea, and that i would lose a shitload of money and that bringing all these “extra” people on tour was crazy.
a lot of people were fucking wrong.

i don’t know what i would have done for the last six months without these people in my life.

i don’t do this to make money. i don’t do this to win approval. i do this to be around people i love. i do this to make art, to feel connected, to make love and not war and art and not pain.
it’s hard to do alone.

we’ve all been through hell and back and we’ve performed ourselves raw and we’ve reached the end….
and we are performing our last show together tonight in perth.

after tonight, everyone is getting on planes headed to different corners of the globe tomorrow.

when steven and i talked about putting this show together and i trusted him to bring a group of people on tour who would be able to handle the lifestyle, the travel, the weirdness, the stress, the close quarters and it was like asking someone to handpick a family.

i feel so honored, so lucky, so grateful and so fucking blessed to have somehow wound up on stage with them, and in vans, and on floors, and in cramped dressing rooms and in airports and in train stations and in squats and in hotels and in clubs and bad restaurants and good cafes and in backs of streets and in europe and in the states and in canada and in australia and in love.

and we did….we made a family.
we’ve relied on the good graces of our audiences for food, lodging and money, and they joined our family.
we made our family big.
this family never ends. this family never dies.

what these guys do, and are going into the world to do now without me – it is way beyond theater.
it is a pure manifestation of wanting to change the world into love through performance.

please, please, don’t stop watching.

with everything i’ve got, and with my eyes getting wet and my throat getting all choked, i want to tell them out loud and shouting here:

you’ve taught me more than you know.
i am so happy that we’ve had this adventure together.
i will miss you more than you know.

i will now be alone in my dressing room, i will get dressed alone, i will put on my make-up alone, i will eat hummus and chips and bad pre-packed vegetables alone, i will drink wine alone, i will drink red bull and vodka alone, i will have to make jokes to myself into the mirror and i will probably cry for the first few shows. i will hear the emptiness like a cacophony and it will hurt.

it is ending, and starting, like it does.

and zoe….i hope i see you again soon, i know i will.
and aideen, and katie and pita (these guys are all danger ensmble/AFP alums)….wherever you are, your spirits are hanging out with us.

so….

good.

bye.

good bye beautiful dressing room full of marks’ shining head