today is Anthony’s birthday…
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(public post)
…not this Anthony, the small one.
the other Anthony, the dead one.
if you missed it, my best friend anthony died in June. of cancer. I named my baby after him. he’s anthony, and ash for short.
big Anthony’s birthday is April 16 and I once engraved a birthday present for him and fucked up the date and put April 15th instead – I never fucked it up after that.
I can hear him saying “you clown! THE DAY *AFTER* TAX DAY.”
so I am alone in boston…celebrating today by doing the things I love, like having coffee and soup at my favorite cafe….
I’ve been dealing with his dying a lot better than I thought I would, but I feel like having a new baby is a secret weapon against grief.
it is so hard to feel anything too deeply right now, because babies make you shallowly busy, they put a teflon on your heart in favor of immediate action – and that includes sadness-teflon.
i make up songs for the baby when we are both in the right mood
I usually never remember the words.
but this mornings song went
la la la la
anthony died !!
la la la
but we’re alive
he is dead
but we’re not dead
but we’re gonna die die die
Anthony’s dead
but we’re alive
he is dead
not you and I
but we’re gonna die die die!
Anthony’s dead!
we’re alive
but we’re gonna die die die!
YAAAAAAYYYYY
THE BABY LOVED THIS SONG
I will save the lyrics for when I start my all-girl punk band
and I love you.
embrace life, my friends
we’re all gonna die.
xxx a
p.s. the dresden dolls tickets for boston and nyc are FLYING. I hope you all got yours. reminder link… smarturl.it/DD2016
