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machine gun or penis? any way you cut it….

this one was too good to just twipic.
i’m still putting together an edinburgh blog.

a few weeks ago, my friend alina simone took me on a adventure with her to brighton beach, brooklyn, in order to research an article an article for the new york times about why russians refuse to put ice in their drinks.

the article is up HERE:
for her article she really, really wanted to buy a kalashnikov (that’s an AK-47 to you and me, kids) of vodka, which they sell in every other bodega in brighton beach.
i shit you not.

they look like this:


i mean….she thought it would be awesome to have a little sidenote in her article about nonchalantly carrying this kalashnikov of vodka.
i think she thought it was going to make the russians more overtly friendly to her ice questions.

but she didn’t buy a kalashnikov of vodka.

instead, she made me purchase penis brandy.

and she didn’t mention in the new york times article that she forced me to spend $50 on said penis-shaped bottle of brandy. ie, a bottle of brandy in the shape of a penis.

i don’t even LIKE brandy.

after all was said and done, she figured the new york times would edit that shit right out. they probably would have.
but here it is – with a life of its own – on my blog, for good measure:


if you look VERY, VERY, VERY carefully, it is fucking the statue of liberty.


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  • dlauthor


  • Maggie Tokuda Hall

    YES! I loved that article so much, but I extra love learning that you are the friend that may or may not be scaring off Russians! 

  • Janelle LaMarche

    Who needs snifters when you have stifters?

  • Gretchen Frage

    i’m fucking tired and actually didn’t want to read the blog right now. but i did. cause its so short. 
    & after you last sentence i am awake again. 
    thank you! 
    (and i wanna have the kalshnikov)
    (does it also shoot vodka?)

  • brian thomson

    I suppose that gives a whole new meaning to the term “hard liquor”, eh?

  • izpogreba

    Vodka rules!

  • PolitelyOffend

    Hahaha! That is awesome! They should have vagina rums.

  • Mrblooz

    At least the bottle can be useful after the brandy is gone…

  • Jon Hanna

    I’ve come across Moldavians selling brandy in similar bottles. It was surprisingly good.

  • Jon Hanna

    As to the question about ice. American soft-drinks include Coca-Cola and Pepsi and American beer includes Budweiser and Miller. In none of these cases does the imbiber want to taste the stuff they have just put into their mouth, so ice is used to anaesthetise the taste-buds. The trend spread, but some places were historically less influenced by American fashions.

  • Ryan_Anas

    You are a good friend.

    I would not like to think of drinks without ice. Especially water. Ice water with a little bit of lemon, I die!

    Thank you for sharing this article, and this picture. In these uncertain times, a little Russian on American loving can’t hurt anyone.

    <3 Ry

  • liti kjersti

    holy fuck (so to speak), i want one. or. is there any penis vodka? i prefer vodka.

  • Jess

    It’s all about the packaging, baby!  That is why I have to drop about 30 if I am ever going to get married.  Honestly, I spent time in Russia in the early 90’s when free market concepts were beginning to gain legitimacy again.  That clever vodka packaging is 100% Glasnost and Perestroika. Hope the brandy was delish!

  • Inara

    You know, if someone told me to design a penis-shaped bottle, that is not the end I would have put the  cap on…

  • mel hughes

    amanda’s on the “hard” stuff. *facepalm*

  • Angelica

    omg the last pic.. xD love your blog amanda!

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  • SomeFromRussia

    We don’t drink any alcohol with ice, because it’s not tasty. for example, vodka, drink a small sip (it’s about a 50 grams) then a hot snack or soup, or caviar, etc.Whiskey – just a small sip from large glass. We have a culture of consumption alcohol (=

  • robin stevenson

    to be taken orally?

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