“A MOTHER’S CONFESSION: a song with footnotes”. a new song…thing.

this blog was originally posted to patreon. sign up here to read blogs first!


(public post….$3+ patrons, watch for a unique email/post in a second with your PDF & choice of WAV or MP3! note to $3+ patrons: the PDF is almost identical to the contents of the project page, plus a little thank-you at the start)


NEW THING TIME! that was fast, eh? yes, it was. i wrote this song exactly two weeks ago, on the 11th.

NOTE: the bowie-thing already dropped this month, so this is the first time i’m releasing TWO THINGS in the same month. that means if you’ve capped your pledge (which i know *many* of you have, and good on you for using that feature), you won’t be charged for this one.


the link to the song/project/footnotes is at the bottom of this post.

i’ll try not to go overboard here…i already spent the last 48 hours writing up the document of footnotes (it’s 8,000 effing words…to put that in perspective, that’s almost one-tenth the length of “the art of asking”)…and the footnotes tell you just about everything you could ever, ever want to know (and much more, i’m sorry) about the creation of this project.


if you’re at work, WAIT FOR A QUIET MOMENT! this betch is 11 minutes long! it needs you in the bath with wine! but i won’t tell you what to do. just listen undistracted, if you can.

headphones..not as important as the bowie, but always nice.

i mention it somewhere in the footnotes (which are, in turns, hilarious but also really serious) but there’s a point i’d like to make here so it doesn’t get lost: motherhood frightened me for a long time. i was wondering how i would juggle being a parent and making Things. i do not consider it a coincidence that the birth of my patreon and the birth of my child came at the same time. it’s working! it’s WORKING.

i’ve always been able to juggle but often i’ve stumbled when i’ve juggled due to the rocky, unsure ground of bureaucracy, middlemen, the media….

now, with patreon, my ability to work fast has meant that i can juggle with a lot of power…..i’m on flat, sure ground. i can just DO MY SHIT.

for that: THANK YOU. you cannot understand the gift you are giving this artist and mother.

meanwhile: if you’re a patron scratching your head skeptically and wondering if i’ve decided to throw out all of my song-edited skills and am just going to be barraging you constantly with 11-minute totally-literal songs with 5 chords: the answer is NO.

the answer is, i’m a maximalist. i want space for EVERYTHING. the song i recorded with jherek in january (“machete”) still hasn’t come out (next month! wait for it!) because we are POLISHING IT and editing and mastering and tweaking and fixing.

the album i made with my dad SIX MONTHS AGO (!) when i was 8 months pregnant hasn’t come out either…i’m going to drop it this summer, after we’ve created a video and when we have time to do a little tour.


the answer is: i want to reserve the right to do projects lightening-fast and molasses-slow, because NOT ALL ART IS THE SAME.

to everything, turn, turn turn.

the beauty of the patreon is that IF i want to write a track and put it out  it a week later (like my hip-hop comrades), i CAN.

and look, I JUST DID.

*mic drop*

wait, let me pick up that mic for a second so i can give you my link.

sorry, i’m not actually very hip-hop. i’m actually a huge dork.

here it is, ENJOY:


(again, if you’re a $3+ patron, you’ve got a second email with a PDF of the footnotes and the mp3/WAV downloads coming your way in a sec!)

if you love it, share it. if it resonates, share it. share your stories on the page.

it’s just me and you, guys. this is a new kind of Thing.

for advanced helpers….when you share, PLEASE USE THIS LINK IF POSSIBLE you’ll have to copy and paste: http://bit.ly/amothersconfession

LASTLY, especially for the parents out there….

if you have feelings/thoughts/stories…PLEASE COMMENT on the page itself instead of here at patreon. it’ll be nice to gather all the stories in one place, and not everybody can comment on the patreon since it’s paywalled. use the comments here to talk backstage shop, and the comment space on http://amandapalmer.net to talk about the content. that’d be nice.

i love you guys.




p.s.s.  your patronage covers the basics of jason’s engineering and direct sounds, but the bulk of it on a project like this goes to my team, who helped me get this whole project and webpage together. HUGE THANKS to alex, bill, superkate and nick for being ninjas and working so fast and smart with me. and special thanks to neil for proofreading, and to jason for being jason. my soul sister. without him i would not have written this song. or recorded it.


– as always, if you’re getting this in email form…click through the comment.-


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  • deeza13666

    Hello Amanda, I am happy that you are feeling less alone after reading everyone’s stories, I believe that as long as your child is happy, healthy and loved that there is no right or wrong way to be a parent. My son is now 12, but I still remember those first few months with a new baby as if it was yesterday. It was one of the hardest, yet most rewarding things that I have ever done. I was severely depressed and I was having difficulty with breast feeding, I felt like such a bad mother, where was the glow that everyone talks about? When my son was 3 months old I was diagnosed with post natal depression and not long after started using baby formula, which made me feel even more useless as everyone professional told me “No, you must breast feed, breast is best”, even though I felt that my son wasn’t getting enough milk and just seemed to be constantly hungry. I must say though that using formula was the best decision that I ever made, my son had a full belly and was finally sleeping through the night and not waking every 2 hours to be fed. It also helped with the post natal depression as I wasn’t so exhausted and my husband could take over if I needed a break. I can still clearly remember the last visit from the nurse who would come to your house to check how things were going and I told her about the problems I was having with breast feeding and the advice that I got from the breast feeding association, being an older woman her advice to me at the time was ” Fuck them, do whatever works best for you and helps you to cope, and be happy. Happy mum, happy baby.” I was so grateful for those few words and now that is the first piece of advice that I give to any new mum. Now fast forward to toddler years and my son has mastered the art of walking and was progressing to the stage of mastering the art of running, especially away from his parents as it was a great game. One weekend we were visiting family and they had been doing renovations and had not quite finished the railing around their two story house and the access ramp. We were inside having just finished lunch and my son was playing quietly with some toys, in the blink of an eye he had unlocked the back door and was off and running down the access ramp that had no barrier. My husband ran after him and slipped on the ramp and knocked our son 2.5 metres face first to the concrete ground below. We ran down to him and could not see any major physical damage, although he was screaming at the top of his lungs. We took him inside and called an ambulance just to be on the safe side, as we were over 2 hours from a hospital. When the paramedics arrived, they examined him and could not see any major trauma, but were concerned about concussion and the possibility of spinal injury. It was then decided that they would organise for the Westpac rescue helicopter to come and get him to take him to the nearest major hospital in Newcastle, just to make sure that he had not sustained any serious injury. We met the helicopter at the nearest field where it had room to land and I went with my son to the hospital, my husband drove for over three hours to meet me at the hospital and possibly breaking every speed limit along the way. But wait there’s more, as I was getting into the helicopter with

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