brand new song. (i fucking hate vegemite.)

hola!

i just left melbourne for adelaide, where i’m holing myself up in an incredible studio.
will tell all soon.
the melbourne show (and mebourne in general) was just fucking transcendent. unbelievable.

for now…this is a clip of a song i wrote the NIGHT BEFORE the show.

i got the idea for it on a leafy twilight cab-ride home at around 5pm, after doing a piece of radio promo for a station called triple j.
don’t ask me where it came from, my brain just goes places. the melody and lyrics hit me all at once, i wrote the first verse on my iphone, and finished writing the rest before dinner.

(by the way, the part about being force-fed by the babysitter = FACT).

love, AFP

p.s. if you don’t know what Vegemite is…it’s…just….foul. it’s a black, pasty, salty, yeast-based sandwich spread to which australians have an uncanny attachments.
it was a depression-era brainstorm, since someone figured they could do SOMETHING with the waste-product of beer factories. uccch.

p.p.s. if you’d like to join the #VegemiteWars currently afoot on twitter, do so.
neil just admitted to owning (no shit) TWENTY-ONE jars of marmite. for REAL. it may be over.

Back to Blog
  • http://scarydan.tumblr.com scarydan

    I’m so disappointed in you, Amanda. Just don’t tell anyone at customs or we might not let you back into the country again.

  • http://mrsmicah.com Mrs. Micah

    I like a yeasty beer so you’d think I’d like vegemite. But no, it’s godawful stuff. I was 10ish and kind of taken with an 18-year-old Australian girl who was visiting friends. And she loved it. So I tried to eat it. It was so hard not to spit it up, but I choked it down to save face & told her I just wasn’t hungry.

  • Darryl Adams

    Did you just dis the greatest thing Australia ever made?

    There is a special hell for people who hate vegemite, next to the spot booked for Glenn Beck. A special hell….. :-)

  • LucieLovesLions

    But…but…vegemite is delish!

  • Sarah Bee

    I’ve never had vegemite, but I’ve had marmite and it is absolutely foul.

    The song is hilarious wonder, though. =]

  • FrumiousMe

    vegemite is disgusting!

  • Nikki

    Right on. The stuff is a disgusting putrid mess.

  • Hayley

    I Love vegimite!

    ps. your show in melb was the best one here I have been to yet :) come back soon.

  • luci_fer

    hahaha

  • Rue

    Marmite isn’t bad on toast, but it’s not as if I’ve had it more than once… (My dad loves it, perhaps a result of his English mother’s upbringing?) I love this song, though.

  • xobman

    No way! Marmite Rocks! ;)

  • Anon

    Vegemite tastes fine. This song was about 4 minutes too long

    • Sam

      this comment is about ten words too wrong.

  • fdhbstephanie

    I am so pleased to know I am not the only person who hates this stuff… blech…

  • Bess

    Vegemite is delicious. Marmite, Bovril, Promite – all disgusting, I grant you. But Vegemite…yum. I saw you mention #ihateVegemite earlier, which was fabulous timing to remind me that I needed to pop to Sainsburys and stock up. Thank you!!!!

  • heyitsaly

    Love it! Your ability to write quick songs is astounding! Still need a remix of Map of Tasmania.
    “you have to make a fucking choice”

    Love this songgg

  • http://mimbles.com/ mimbles

    I love Vegemite and cannot live without it. I also LOVE this song – brilliant! :-)

  • Procrastinateher

    Vegemite is amazing if you grew up in Australia. It nearly broke my heart when I couldn’t find it overseas – and then mummy sent me more :)

    We have this new Cheesybite vegemite that’s a mix of Vegemite and cream cheese, for wimps who don’t like Vegemite by itself. It’s so weak I can eat an entire tablespoonful at once.

    On a different note, Marmite and Promite are gross. It’s like Pepsi Max when what you want is a coke.

    But it’s okay Amanda, I still like you anyway.

  • heyitsaly

    please put an album together of these ‘tour songs’ <3 atleast an MP3 download type thing .. in a radiohead style 'pay what you want' style?

    ps – you glow ! you can tell how in love with that vegemite eating man you are!

    • luci_fer

      “please put an album together of these ‘tour songs’ <3 atleast an MP3 download type thing .. in a radiohead style 'pay what you want' style?"

      ooh. yes. please. :3

  • pingdini

    My American husband was nodding in agreement during this song. Thanks for the amazing Melbourne show – all that was missing was ‘Map of Tasmania’ (as the actress said to the bishop).

  • Kelly

    Marmite is disgusting, it’s true. But vegemite is fantastic!

  • http://www.duckyqueen.deviantart.com/ Romy Smithelsticks

    I had an Australian Au Pair when i was but a wee one. You know how some people eat PB witha spoon? THAT’S HOW SHE ATE VEGEMITE. I remember taking a little tiny bite and just being like “AW! THIS TASTE LIKE PLAYDOUGH. BLARG”

  • Lynday

    This was hilarious.
    I’ve never tried vegemite, but it doesn’t sounds horrible.
    Did you cut your hair?
    I also suspect something else, but I wont ask about that now…..

  • http://twitter.com/cynthiaskeezy Cynthia

    FUCK YEAH!!
    I LOVE IT!
    Brilliant, As Usual

  • Katharine Whitelock

    I loved the song Amanda! I don’t like either; however, since we’re going up to Atlanta tomorrow, my husband said he’s getting some marmite. I’ll let you know how this turns out. :)

  • Victoria

    Now I want to try this stuff.

  • satorinow

    vegemite must have some sort of addictive quality – those who like it LOVE it. you just don’t get that type of emotional attachment with other condiments. you don’t hear ‘OMG i friggin love mustard!’ and people don’t eat ketchup sandwiches. there is also a tendency to combine it with really inappropriate things – like with jam and cheese on crackers – kinda like putting terriyaki on a donut – you wouldn’t do that now would ya?

    vegemite = satan’s black bile

    • http://twitter.com/joelyboyblue joely

      amazing song amanda

    • MoFi

      Some people do eat ketchup sandwiches… Om nom nom…

  • Miranda

    Clearly, you have never eaten vegemite with cheese. It makes it all better, promise.

    • LisaVollrath

      Cheese makes everything taste better, but I seriously doubt its powers extende to Vegemite.

  • http://www.twitter.com/lilithia Lilithia

    Saw you sing this live. It was hilariously cute. Can’t wait for you to come back to Melbourne soon. :)

  • hellkitten

    I love Vegemite, have ever since I was young. Vegemite toast got me through some tough unemployment times LOL… but this track is gold!!

  • amster

    Vegemite is better than sex.

  • http://www.seej500.com Seej 500

    Pah. Marmite. Here in Britain if you’re really awesome you eat/drink Bovril. It’s like Marmite, only with added beef. And it’s AMAZING (esp if you doctor it with tabasco).
    Oddly though, I still can’t stand Marmite.

  • Cat

    All this talk is making me hungry for toast with 1 layer margarine, 1 THIN layer vegefuckingmite, 1 THICK layer avocado. It’s the best.
    Vegemite fucking rules. You dont thave to use much so it’s economical, its packed with b-vitamins, AND it never goes off! Practical or what?
    Though we do have a tradition of feeding americans vegemite in high quantaties, without butter. Just cos we know the outcome will be hilarious. No one actually eats it like that, you have to have it thiiiiinly, and you MUST have butter or margarine as a base. I mean, a spoonful of straight salt would taste like shit… but salt still has it’s place at the table. It’s all technique honey.

    • Jess

      I eat it thick with no butter….I get strange looks from people…

  • @Callumbrella

    Vegemite is om nom nom! with lots of butter

  • http://www.fashionadjacent.com/ Omega

    Twelve and a bit years ago.. in the midst of a weird pregnancy food craving, I ate a whole jar of Vegemite, with a spoon.

    So, yeah, you could say I’m a fan..

    And you might have missed it Amanda, but even Aussies who don’t like Vegemite joined the utter outrage and outcry when they had their renaming debacle..

    That’s why I was suggesting, amongst others, that you call this song “iSong 2.0″. It already has an “in joke” that no one but australians will get, why not another one? :d

    I walked out of Jane’s Addition’s gig at Soundwave, because the thought of missing your gig was just too much for me… this song is one of the MANY reasons I am so glad I made that call! Amazing gig!!!

    PS the WKAP book is AAAAMAAAAAZINGLY awesome :)

  • Shona

    21 jars of marmite is like… 20 years worth of marmite! Holy crap XD

    I do love it though *feels british*

  • Adrian

    The one time I tried Vegemite I wasn’t impressed; it seemed like an inferior version of Marmite, which is a food of the Gods. Though I happily concede it’s an acquired taste; even Marmite themselves use “You either love it or hate it” as their frickin’ advertising slogan!

    Probably the best way to acquire the taste is to spread it very thinly on buttered toast, whereon the flavour blends rather nicely, and probably the worst way is to have it fed to you neat as a small child by a babysitter who tells you it’s chocolate fudge, for which they should be fwapped about the head with a rolled-up velociraptor.

    The song, however, is hilarious! Thanks!

  • Marlee

    hahaha that was great! SO funny and adorable. Just a very happy feel good song. I also now understand what marmite is so thankyou. If only I could get someone to explain brown sauce to me.

  • starsdied

    Hahaha this song is great.

  • r3em4

    My British husband and I have this conversation every morning.

    He has really strong feelings about peanut butter, which I love as much as he loves Marmite, so breakfast can sometimes become a gross-out competition.

  • Alexis

    Haha I love it! You still need to come to Perth though. Please come and sing to us about hating Vegemite haha. Gah, even though I’m Australian I’ve always hated the stuff. I had to eat it in kindergarden and I hated it so much I found a way to stick the sandwiches under the desks. My awesome plan came undone when one day the teachers were doing rounds and congratulating me on having eaten all my Vegemite when one of the sandwiches chose that exact moment to fall from under the desk. You see how evil Vegemite is?? Spread the truth Amanda, spread the truth!

  • LisaVollrath

    Laughing so hard, I’m crying. Thanks for that!

  • chrystalml

    I FEEL YOU. I went from California once to visit my British BF’s family in London for xmas- after 13 hours of travelling (and there was a “problem” on the plane, so the only food was rolls and packets of peanuts), arriving xmas day jetlagged and Starving, the only food they had for us (cos they were making a xmas dinner of what turned out to be dry turkey, watery gravy, bland mash and brussels sprouts) were TWIGLETS, or as I know them, Satans Crunchy Fingers of Doom- breadsticks flavoured with marmite. I sat in a corner and cried.

  • tori

    amanda are you…. pregnant? you are not fat and you have a beautiful body… maybe it is just the clothing… but… I swear I see a little baby bump.

  • jera

    I am so glad you wrote a song about this. Vegemite is beyound gross. B-L-E-H!

  • lentower

    a

    the next time you are in roswell’s kitchen,
    please ask the epicurean cat,
    if she will instruct her human to properly prepare
    *mited toast for you

    with some warning,
    roswell will even get her human
    to get some extra special bread to toast …

    btw, *mite is the classic case of “less is more”.
    even enlightened americans tend to overdo it

    later -len

  • Shirty Nile

    You know it’s funny how people react to the whole Vegemite/Marmite issue. Personally I’m not a Bovril fan but then I don’ t like the taste of meat. As for the other two, love them whether on bread, in cooking or what have you. You can even get Marmite cereal bars (http://www.ilovemygrub.com/products/2009/marmite-cereal-bars.html).

    Having said all that, I feel the same about mustard. When I was about my brother convinced me it was very sweet, like ice cream, so I took a spoonfull. Needless to say I was violently sick all over the carpet. Still can’t stand the stuff.

    Do you think when we’re older we’ll tell out children we remember the start of Vegemite wars? :-}

  • Ursula

    I use vegemite in place of bouillon. It’s great for that. But.. as a spread? Wth? No way.

  • LunaLove

    I would say “Death to Vege/Marmite!” But it practically IS death already sooooo. Shit. Love the song, cracked up the whole time! <3

  • http://coyotesqrl.blogspot.com R.A. Porter

    I defense of the foul black stuff, it’s a *fantastic* source of umami. I’d never eaten or used it before a few months ago when I saw this recipe for turkey burgers. It’s impressive how meaty it makes them.

    Since then, I’ve taken to adding it to soups and other dishes where I want to increase the richness and meatiness.

  • Kris

    1. That as a brilliant song
    2. I am with you Amanda, vegemite (and promite and marmite and all the mites!) are horrible horrible things and should be banned. And yes, I’m an aussie.

  • Justin

    This made me laugh.
    I just bought a jar of Marmite from that foreigny food section at the grocery store the other day because I’ve always wanted to try it.
    I tried a bit on a cracker and doubt I’ll be eating much more of it.

  • Jess

    Teeny bit of vegemite on toast with lots of butter = best hangover cure. Your song is hilariously awesome though…the whole concert was just brilliant :-)

  • dominic_t

    i love vegemite. My taste in food is different to my taste in music, though.

  • http://misskittycharms.blogspot.com/ miss kitty

    i live in aus and i reckon vegemite is actually some nasty-ass shit. D: they added cream cheese to it and called it ‘iSnack 2.0′. it was yeasty cheese. wtf australia

    • MelissaM123

      in our defence we got rid of that pretty quickly when even we realized how shit it was!

      • http://misskittycharms.blogspot.com/ miss kitty

        i liked the mention in a talkin bout your generation ad, complete w/ facepalm. probably one of the best things about that vegemite hybrid

  • L

    Spread it thinly on toast with lots of melted butter… VEGEMITE FTW…

    We bleed black and runny yellow-gold…

  • http://scarygirl.tumblr.com/ scarygirl

    *GASP* This is a test of faith people.

  • Paula(bear)

    Just remember Amanda, you can love the boy and still hate the food choices ;)
    (I’m totally with you though – BLEAH to all yeast spreads!)

  • HunterLionheart

    Marmite, how I love thee.

  • Ryan_Anas

    Umm, yeah, you really, really rock. And that sitter is an S class loser. BIG problem with adults who force feed children horrible foods under false pretenses. I’m very sorry that it happened to you. Despite his oddly large collection I”m sure Neil won’t subject you to the black death. Try not to let it come between the two of you. It’s caused enough pain.

    It’s in our nature to take things for granted, but in moments like these I’m acutely aware of how lucky I am to have discovered your music. Thank you for making me feel so much, and making such joy from every little thing.

  • http://cheshrkat.blogspot.com/ h

    Funny thing. We Aussies make and export a bunch of stuff and nobody can ever tell what’s real and what’s a practical joke. It’s like those “x or y” tests. Musician or serial killer? Porn star or my little pony? Real Aussie product or elaborate practical joke?

    Fosters? Joke, of course (the good beer doesn’t last long enough to get exported).
    Tim Tams? Real, of course.
    Vegemite? Seems to be a tricky one – people keep thinking it’s a joke but it’s DEADLY SERIOUS people! You’re just not eating it right. Stop spreading it on half an inch thick and never eat it from the jar.

    We’ll forgive you of course, because you’re AFP. But we’re just a little bit wounded. It gets us right here *thumps heart* ;)

    • http://www.trishacornelius.com/ Trisha Cornelius

      Bringing up timtams is just mean to people who have visited your country and now can’t get them anymore :(

  • http://www.csdaley.com csdaley

    I have been getting in trouble all night with this song on Twitter. I have been sending it to all of my friends from down under. I have received death threats ;)

  • http://diehaarigenbiester.de/ Andrea

    The song is hilarious!
    I never understood why someone would want to eat Vegemite/Marmite, but then again, I’m german. We’ve got other icky food. (As you may find out for yourself in May.)

    About Neil: I’m quite convinced, he’s just trying to save the world from Marmite, by keeping as much as possible safely locked away. Please reconsider!

  • metamorphosisxx

    Amanda! I was at this show, I nearly died with laughter at this song… and I have to be honest, I ate vegemite toast before but say the word and I’ll give it up if you move to Australia =D
    Marmite is NOT even close to vegemite. No self-respecting Aussie would eat that shit. I’m sorry about your babysitter =)

  • _kristyx

    Love Vegemite. Love this song, despite it’s strong anti-Vegemite sentiments.

    I had a similar experience as a kid, only it was Marmite, and my nan gave it to me on toast, in a thick thick layer, and told me it was Vegemite.

    I think there’s an age limit type deal with Vegemite. If you have it as a kid, say under 5, and in a non-trauma inducing kinda of way, then you grow up loving it. But if you’re older, and/or you are given Vegemite under false pretenses, then you hate it, no matter what.

  • Shelley

    lol that was hilarious! i feel for you, my mum used to feed me marmite…and i carry the scars with me to this day…

  • http://spacedlaw.blogspot.com/ Nathalie

    Face it. If not for the Marmite affection (infection?) he might just be perfect. Thus insufferable. Be glad for the vice caché (closet Marmite lover? How kinky is that?).

  • Maigan

    Haha! I’m an Australian and I’ve never been able to stomach vegeshite. I gave some to my host family when I travelled to Japan. It was so funny watching their faces when they tasted it. They said it was delicious (trying not to hurt my feelings) then tried to give it back but I told them there was no way I wanted it, I hate it. They admitted to hating it once they knew i did :D
    I imagine it would be a nauseating experience watching it be made. :P

    • http://www.nick-blog.info/ nick

      I don`t like this :|
      Is to silnt for me :))

  • http://wormsandmonsters.blogspot.com/ Fran

    I have an australian passport, but never lived there. Still, my Dad introduced us to vegemite early and it’s beloved by the family. Clearly, love of the black stuff passes through the genes.

    Aren’t Triple J the radio station with Tripod, the three guys or get given a subject and write a song in an hour? Or do they not do that anymore? Anyway, they’re worth checking out – AFP, they’re stuff would be right up your alley.

    • http://wormsandmonsters.blogspot.com/ Fran

      Oh, God. I apologise for the multitude of grammatical fuckups in that. I’m a bloody proofreader, would you believe!? Blame it on having only just woken up and the doughnuts that I’m having for breakfast. Yay, Sunday!

  • dressmate

    Ha Love the song, hate Marmite so would probably hate vegemite. I see lots of comments from people who suspect the patter of tiny feet may be on the way. My daughter always said you and Neil would have awesome children, (such a mixture of talents and craziness) so we both hope this is true.
    Just one thought, if, you are indeed pregnant, let’s pray you do not develop a craving for vegemite or marmite!!

  • MelissaM123

    I hate both vegemite and marmite, I am the switzerland (neutral territory) of the vegemite wars, both on twitter and in life

  • http://alittlepracticality.blogspot.com/ AmyK

    “Foul death-paste”. This is brilliant. I laughed through the entire thing.

  • tweedbleed

    Ah, Marmite. You either love it or hate it. Apparently. It really doesn’t look like anything you should put near your face, never mind eat.

    21 jars? Is he going to paint his wedding suit on with it?? :P

  • nookster

    the kiwi’s do it way better with Marmite!!!

  • Susan

    fresh bread, butter, crisps and vegemite = heaven :)

  • http://gabrielgrub.blogspot.com/ June_Miller

    I feel compelled to try this foodstuff out, somehow. Just to see what all the hype is about, both sides of it.

    Though it certainly doesn’t sound appetizing.

    There’s a jar of Durian jam in my fridge. My parents got it for me as a novelty gift from the Philippines.

    It smells like bad garbage with a lot of rotten fruits/veggies in it that should’ve been taken out a couple weeks prior. Ferrealz.

    I have never tried it.

    • http://blog.themerchgirl.net Creatrix Tiara

      Durian is AWESOME!! Can’t speak for its jam version, I’ve only ever had durian pudding or the fruit itself, but yum. Amazingly I can’t seem to pick up the smell of the fruit.

      Vegemite is evil. It’s like the spreadable vege version of Brand’s Essence of Chicken. Which is grossness in a bottle. Even diluting a small bottle with 2 JUGS of water didn’t work. urgh.

  • Greta

    Vegemite is the food of the devil. And the bad devil too, not the nice sex and chocolate one.
    I’m Australian and I realise this. I think the rest of the country has been brainwashed.
    Thanks for the song of the truth :)

  • Catherine

    Vegemite is amazing.
    That is all.

    • Catherine

      I MAY have just gone and made myself Vegemite and cheese on toast after watching this song about Vegemite. Yummmmmmmmm.

  • Shiny

    i went on exchange to germany (i was at the sydney yoga day, and i told you this there too) and i took Vegemite for my german host family. they LOVE it! they did say the packaging is rather misleading, as it shows a piece of toast entirely slathered in vegemite, when one only really requires a little bit, with butter.
    <3, i'm looking forward to your sydney show on sunday!!!
    shiny

  • Darmus

    You really need to see this Marmite ad. It’s hilarious.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r99w-gOtj4

  • Anarchangel

    Woah woah woah! Vegemite is not Marmite, missy!

    Vegemite is nasty and Marmite is great. Go Neil!

  • http://kaptainvon.wordpress.com Von

    Did the harpsichord wrong you in another life?

  • TS

    man, I grew up in Australia and think it’s foul and nasty stuff for sure.

  • witchseason

    Well, as the ad says, you either love Marmite or you hate it. Me, I love it. *ESPECIALLY* on fresh baked baguette with unsalted butter YES YES YES.
    But Vegemite just tastes like off Marmite.

  • darksanguineangel92

    cancer on toast it should be called that song which was amazing
    and i was at that concert first amanda palmer concert ever my bf got me loving u about 4 months ago
    and i was just old enough to go to ur concert
    we love u

  • Smite smith

    AMANDA come back to the states we miss you darling!

  • acenastra

    I watched you on GNW tonight, I think you are brill. You are dividing a nation here, lovers and haters of the vegemite. I hate all other types of mite spreads but the black death spread is the bomb! I believe you should try it again but in different proportions…. like most people have mentioned: THIN and must be accomponied by butter. mmmmm I off to make some toast. :)
    ps. HILARIOUS song though :P

  • http://wickednotokay.blogspot.com/ Ford

    With all due respect Ms Palmer
    FUCK YOU ON A FUCK
    VEGEMITE IS GOD DAMN DELICIOUS
    I LIKE IT ON MY CRACKERS
    I LIKE IT ON MY DICK.
    SOMETIMES I MAKE A PENIS-VEGEMITE CRACKER SANDWHICH AND JUST STARE IN AWE AT IT FOR EXTENDED LENGTHS OF TIME OR UNTIL MY PENIS GOES FLACID.

    BOOM.

    IT’S UP IN YOUR FACE.

    good night sweety =].

  • http://www.bitemarks.net/writing Biskat

    Ohh, I’m so sorry you were put off Marmite at such a young age! It should be mixed with butter and spread thinly for children, until they stop grimacing and learn to accept that it’s edible.

    It’s beautiful! Tasty, tangy, and full of vitamin B-12 (so important for those among us who prefer Marmite to dead cow, in any of its many forms).

    Plus they now do it in a squeezy jar, making it so much easier to enjoy. Mmm. Also nice with mashed potato, baked potato, on pizza, and on the lips of your unsuspecting and suddenly horrified boyfriend.

    On the other hand, I don’t see the need to stockpile it. Does Neil know something we don’t? Or is he making a giant statue of Lord-Only-Knows-What out of Marmite? Why 21 jars? Does he use them to store the souls of his Marmite-hating enemies?

  • antonio

    i prefer peanut butter.

  • Sheling

    If this song isn’t on your next CD, I’ll stop loving you. I nearly posted that when the Palmer-Gaga-Madonna song was posted, but now I’m pleased I saved it – it’s the only trump card I have.

    It’s the Vegemite Song, Amanda, or it’s me.

    xx

  • http://sleepydumpling.wordpress.com/ Kath

    Careful… most of us who love the Vegemite will choose the Vegemite over a lover.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1355527007 Rain Jezek

    Vegemite tastes like butter mixed with used motor oil.

  • http://www.facebook.com/DouglasEiner Douglas Einer

    I’ll eat Vegemite,….but, I LOVE Marmite-!

    I have a large jar of Marmite right here next to my computer right now-! YUM-!-!

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