and the Best Hate Mail Letter of the Year award goes to….

this came in though the web mail a few days ago. 
it’s a classic. two thumbs up. confetti.
From: William Ader 
Date: December 3, 2010 8:25:41 PM EST
Subject: St. Louis concert a major disappointment

You guys are the worst polka band in the history of polka bands. When I heard that “The Dresden Dolls” was going to play the Pageant here in St. Louis, I naturally assumed you were a German polka band. I LOVE polka music and was expecting to get $20 worth of OOM-PAH-PAH. Instead, I get you banging on an electric piano like you’re playing WHACK-A-MOLE at the county fair while screeching like a banshee, and your partner, Brain (what kind of name is “Brain,” anyway?) trying, but not succeeding, to keep the beat, which might explain why NO ONE WAS DANCING TO YOUR MUSIC. But you didn’t even notice that, did you? (Maybe because you and Brain were too busy watching the tv’s behind the bar at the back of the room behind US, the audience.)

I said to a woman sitting next to me, “This polka band sucks.” She replied, “They’re no polka band.” I said, “You got THAT right!” (So you see, it’s not just MY opinion!)

At some point during the show, Brain realized that the drum thing wasn’t working out for him (God bless him for trying, though) and he picked up a guitar and started playing a solo piece after you left the stage. Let me tell you, there aren’t enough Mel Bay books to turn that guy into a guitar player, but, again, God bless him for trying. Unfortunately for him, he was interrupted by some woman in the balcony who decided she wanted to sing “Mein Herr” in her underwear. Now that gal could SING! (Unlike YOU.) I don’t know where you had disappeared to, but we didn’t miss you. (Maybe you got interested in a tv show and went back to the bar so you wouldn’t miss the ending.)

ANOTHER THING: a lot of your songs alluded to fornication. Polka tunes, with the exception of “The Fucking Beer Barrel Polka,” don’t do that.

If you guys ever come back to St. Louis, I’m going to have to buy another ticket just to see if you’ve improved any. (Couldn’t get any worse, could you?) I’ll tell you this, though, you better be playing the accordion and Brain better be a virtuoso on the tuba by then, or I WILL be asking for a refund.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,

William Ader
St. Louis, Missouri

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