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fruit legs, shaved bats, vegemite & melbourne appearances….

recovering from The Jetlagz in the company of peter nicholls and clare coney, my adopted melbourne rents.
i’ve been hiding in their beautiful suburban victorian melbourne house, bonding with the dogs and cats and the fruit bats which fly directly over the house every night at twilight. i eat all my meals en famille with peter and clare, and their sons jack and luke (25 and 21 respectively) when they come around, and i soak up the familyness. jack’s girlfriend lucy came over for dinner the other night and told the story of the italian mafioso sending a crony to her bookshop demanding that she wrap a bottle of $800 cognac (in a box “shaped like a footie”) in their bookshop giftwrap. she said no. then the waiter came over and begged, and she took pity on him. clare and peter tell me stories and i tell them stories and then peter has a cigar and i have coffee and we all go to bed.
here is a picture of the melbourne fruit bats, which i didn’t take.
but this is what they look like.
clare says that even though they’re not vampire bats, they get used in every vampire movie, because they look big and impressive.
we went in the backyard spa yesterday. peter went in naked, clare and i wore bathers (as they say over here), and luke was too embarrassed. he HAD just shaved his legs, and i told him that there was no better way to herald in a newly set of shaved legs than IN THE SPA with a rock star, but he flatly refused.clare doesn’t shave her legs. neither does peter. and i don’t. but jack does. and luke does. he came asking clare for advice about how to prevent shaved-leg razorburn and itchiness. she responded: you’ll have to ask your brother.
i love this house.
luke and i have a date tonight to watch short bus….which i’ve shamefully never seen. luke says it’s his favorite movie.
i’d imagined spending these past few days wandering around fitzroy and shopping and catching up in cafes up and down brunswick street…instead i’ve been holed up for three days straight, experimenting with eating vegemite sandwiches. i feel like it’s my duty to try to like the shit.
i have been experimenting with putting EXTREMELY thin, almost invisible layers of vegemite on toast with other things that taste better immediately surrounding it.
i feel like the evil mother in flowers in the attic trying to arsenic myself to death.
yesterday i made a vegemite toast with lots of butter and a tomato. today i’m going to try avocado. i think it might be working. shall update.
i am a flexible individual.
here is the nicholls/coney front hall, where i’ve been working amongst the comfort of a million books:
002

and this is me in the front yard with toby the dog, who is a jock and a border collie, and can fetch three balls at once:

003
here he’s only got two, because we couldn’t find the third.
he’s a smart dog. clare informed me that border collies can learn over 1,000 words and command. that’s more than many people.
i’ve also spent the last few days putting together a real-ass wedding blog, with the whole story and lots of pictures.
it’s occurred to me that i’ve spent far more time now working on the blog (probably by a factor of 5) than i did in the actual pre-planning of the wedding, which probably took a total of 45 minutes if you stack everything up.
what this says about me, i do not know.
on to business.
if you’re IN AUSTRALIA: the new record “amanda palmer goes down under” is READY FOR PRE-ORDER!!!!!!
002
you can get it from JB hi-fi, signed by MOI, here: http://bit.ly/AFPjbhifi
go get it. it’s fucking awesome. and the artwork is gorgeous.
if you’re planning on buying a BUNDLE (we’ll be unveiling very soon), DON’T WORRY,
you’ll have all sorts of options (including an import pressing of the album on CD). plus we’re gonna put a download from bandcamp in your handsies any time you buy something from us. if you just want the straight-up aussie pressing of the CD though, order it.

meanwhile, i’m about to FLAME THROUGH MELBOURNE LIKE A ROCK AND ROLL COMET…..
if you’re in MELBOURNE TODAY, i’m going to be showing up quick-like-a-bunny in FEDERATION SQUARE. that’s HERE, if you’re not familiar. it looks like so:
005
photo from here 
….i’m going with my friends tom and jen from the local band The Jane Austen Argument (they also appear on my record – see “bad wine and lemon cake” when you get it, it’s awesome). we’re hitting the square as part of a showcase of the adelaide fringe to the people of melbourne. should be there at around 5:45.and a reminder, again, if you’re not on twitter following me - hell, even if you’re not following me – you’re missing everything.
if you’re in MELBOURNE on tuesday (the 11th), i’m also going to be hanging out….tom and jen booked a last-minute gig at the brunswick hotel to raise money to get their asses to tasmania to hang with me during the MONA FOMA festival, and hopefully get some ninja action going on down there. and it JUST SO HAPPENS that our good friend KIM BOEKBINDER is in melbourne. so she’s going to play too. and i MIGHT be coerced onto stage.  that whole thing is THIS TUESDAY, at the brunswick hotel (HERE in brunswick), at 8 pm. donation $5 and up.
get there early to get in, the place is TEENY TINY and it’ll fill up fast.
more you ask? melbourne, i will give to you endlessly.
i’m also going to be showing up to drink and probably dance and possibly SING at a gig on WEDNESDAY (the 12th) at the northcote social club with my friends in ORKESTRA DEL SOL and mikelangelo. if you’ve never seen orkestra del sol, YOU MUST YOU MUST.
it’s the party at the end of the world. come dance.
doors are at 7:30 and tickets are $20 in advance, $25 at the door if there are any left, which i wouldn’t count on, they tend to sell out fast.
more soon.
love,
AFMGP.
Back to Blog
  • EmWyllie

    What do us North Americans do if we want a physical CD????

    • Nikos GR

      via Amanda’s Twitter:

      yep. printing a US edition. i should blog all this. RT @ChesterJSellars Will us losers in the states get a chance to buy the Down Under cd?

      • alex15

        so for europeans better to wait for the US edition I guess…¿?

        • Veronica

          I guess that too.

  • http://twitter.com/mrwilliamc William Cooper

    Why must I be 2000km away at this point in Brisbane? I can’t wait for your show up here. I shall shower you with more rubber ducks like last year. I am then moving to Melbourne in between your Brisbane and Melbourne show, so expect to me twice! Mwahahah! (P.S I’m the William who played accordion with the JAA a few times, shame I couldn’t play with them on tour :()

  • http://twitter.com/KateVinee Kate Vinée

    “love, AFMGP.” <3

  • http://twitter.com/UncannyJay Jason

    You made a Flowers in the Attic reference.
    I will forever worship you.

  • FrivolousRogue

    You’ve never seen Shortbus? You’ll love it!!

    I’m sure you know this by now, but John Cameron Mitchell is a GOD! I bought Shortbus right after I watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and it blew my mind! It is so raw, artistically beautiful… and just so overly out there that it really causes on impact on all who’ve seen it. I’ve shown it to my friends and they’ve all loved it so much one has yet to return my DVD for like two years :(

    Hope you have an awesome time in Australia and New Zealand Ms. AFMGP! (That made me laugh when I noticed it, so used to AFP :p)

  • Lemons

    Most importantly: what did Jack say that one could do to reduce shaving itchiness/redness?

    • http://amandapalmer.net/ Amanda Palmer

      moisturize. and amanda says to avoid itchiness…you must wax. it’s the only way. shaving is horrific.

  • http://twitter.com/elliehasanapple Eliza Cobb

    even though i don’t get paid until wednesday i do not give a fuck and shall pre order your album now anyway. hoopla!

  • http://www.csdaley.com csdaley

    Man I wish I was in Australia. Alas, I am not. Congrats on the wedding. Can’t wait to buy new album.

  • http://twitter.com/stalkashleyhere Ashley M. Pérez

    I do hope you enjoy Shortbus, it’s one of my favorite movies of all time. I look forward to the wedding blog.

  • EdwardCoffey

    For new players, Vegemite should be considered a condiment for flavouring *very* heavily buttered toast, not a spread in its own right. You want enough butter that it looks like you’re preparing a cheese sandwich, then waft an open jar of Vegemite near it, and that should be enough.

  • http://littlelioness.net Fiona

    Who says bathers? Victorians?

    Welcome to the Country.

    • Kendra

      ?They say it in the NT… Actually, where don’t they?

  • http://twitter.com/AHisme Ayala

    Please forward this message to toby the dog:

    *pat. pat*

    Thank you.
    (Such a gorgeous dog!)

  • Amy

    Amanda,

    Vegemite, Egg (boiled and sliced) and Tomato on a sandwich is delicious, the vegemite adds a bit of saltiness to it. I’m also a fan of it on toast with poached eggs (bit of a theme?). My sister mixes it with sweet things and likes it on croissants, pancakes and fruit toast.

    Looking forward to seeing you in Newcastle,

    x Amy

  • http://mataduvor.blogg.se angelica

    darn that i dont live in austratila… can’t wait for the new album! :D

  • http://twitter.com/ashmcknght Ash Mcknight

    BATHERS!? TOGS! Vege sandwiches are epic win! Try vegemite and cheese, was always a favourite when I was a tyke ;) Can’t wait till you get to Brisbane, almost peeing my pants with excitement!

  • Strange Satine

    Vegemite + avocado = always a good choice. Once you’re conquered this foodstuff, you should try Branson pickle. It’s addictive. I swear.

    Congrats to you and Neil on your wedding. You both are so inspiring and amazing and the less wedding planning the better. I spent 9 months planning mine and it ended up feeling like I gave birth.

  • Frida

    Can’t wait for the new album!!!

    I love you!

    • Frida

      Oh, and by the way; I love the ”AFMGP”!

  • insignifikunt

    Vegemite and Avocado = orgasm in your mouth … (and just as salty. Yes I just wrote that … I am a filthy individual…)

    I hope you have some ninja action in Sydney. I was going to come down to Melbs on Tuesday but decided to just transfer Tom and Jen a donation so I MIGHT be able to afford Adelaide to see the twins & their cabaret show!

  • sara kitty

    *cheering for the prospect of Tasmanian ninja gigs*

    xo

  • http://twitter.com/thatsbull Peter Bull

    vegemite and crunchy peanut butter …chewy, salty and really worth the effort!! …….glad you’re hanging out in melb for a bit ….heard from superkate today, spewin’ you can’t ninja with the wrong crowd this time around …we’ll have to get stuck into all that absinthe by ourselves!! ….have a ball in melbourne!

  • Veronica

    Well, I must say I’m trying to get enough courage to not shave AT ALL for ten months. I’m tired of that painful slavery. I’ve still been loved and I’ve still had friends and I’ve still got laid when not shaven (it’s just hair, for god’s sake). So fuck it. If I pass the test, I probably won’t do it anymore. But reading your blog always helps anyway, specially when people in the middle of the street stop and stare and call you “monkey”.

    By the way, one of my cousins works at a hotel and she fell in love with an australian guy last year and she married him in december and she’s moving to Australia in June. I am the girl from the Canary Islands, I’m not sure if you remember me. But soon I’ll have a cousin living in Australia. Life is just so amazing sometimes.

    I love you AFMGP!

    • guest

      Stopping shaving was one of the best decisions about my appearance/personal habits that I ever made. Hell, when you consider that the whole shaving thing started as an extremely clever marketing move in the 60’s(iirc, might have been the 50’s), it’s kind of silly to keep doing it just because. Try to find the courage. :)

      • Veronica

        Thanks for your support. I totally agree with you. It was quite a clever strategy to sell razorblades not only to men, but also to women…

    • Ruthy

      I shave my legs (only in spring/summer) and I shave my pits (usually). It’s my personal choice and these two things help me feel clean. But I have very hairy arms (as hairy as my brothers) and as a teenager I shaved them for fear of being bullied. I do not shave them now, and my map of tasmania is definately something strong to hold onto.
      I say go for it, and love that AFMGP feels the same! x

      • Veronica

        I can relate to you. I’ve shaved/waxed for years and years and one of the reasons was also that feeling-clean thing. But in my oppinion refusing to shave is about accepting your body the way it is, and respecting why it is where it is, for example armpit hair has a very important function, it retains and isolates the bacteria in the sweat from your skin, keeping it (ironically) clean. That’s why hairy armpits usually smell worse, and I know that it’s a very strong reason to shave or wax.

        Anyway, it’s not about convincing people to stop shaving. I say shave it if you want, grow it if you want. ;)

  • xero

    dude. shortbus is awesome. tell us how you like it (or don’t like it).

  • Jenna

    Aww love the new initials haha.

  • Ryan_Anas

    I must meet this dog!

    Good for you taking a litlle time to regain your humanity. Flying across the world and suffering the time lapse which comes with doing so cannot be easy. And they sound like a wonderful family. Yay hot tubs =D

    <3 ry

  • https://twitter.com/#!/libbyking punksocks

    vegemite and avocado are good, add a bit of lemon juice and black pepper and it is gold.

  • Jebus Jones

    The Brunswick Hotel (aka Le Brun, the Brunny, or The Farkin’ Pub) has been my watering hole of choice for going on 8 years now. When I found out on Friday that you’d be there Tuesday I was in apoplectic paroxysms of JOY. I’ll be there with bells on and a nerdgasm on my face (and of course in my pants) and I’ve asked a crew of friends to also attend. I might just have to bring down my Feb 26th Forum ticket and ask you sweetly to sign it.

    Squeeeeeeeeee!!!

    Oh and BTW, the Brunswick Hotel is actually in Brunswick, not Fitzroy. People can get there on the 19 Tram from Elizabeth St in the city (stop 20 right outside the pub) or on the Upfield line and alight at Jewell station (2 min walk to pub).

  • Michelle

    I haven’t shaved my legs in about eight months, and I have had sex with twelve different people in that time. Only one of them mentioned it. I told her she could find someone else to sleep with if a bit of shin-fur troubled her that much. She dealt with the hair. Heh.

    • Michelle

      Oh, and I should also add to this that I am well aware that I’m a slut, and I’m fine with that. :D

      • http://amandapalmer.net/ Amanda Palmer

        SLUTPOWER

        • Michelle

          SLUTPOWER? I’m seriously thinking of writing a superhero comic where the heroine’s power is extreme sluttishness. When in danger she can invoke the power of the great goddess Vaginus.

  • http://twitter.com/xcori Corinne Vizconde

    I’ve never shaved my legs (though I did try Nair once, awful smelling stuff) and you’re making me want Vegemite on buttered toast, minus the tomato.

  • http://www.youtube.com/afpislove AFPisLOVE

    It makes me happy that you are happy!

  • Liam

    Yeah, we have a nice big bat in the three out the front of our house. My brother and his girlfriend have called it Fergus snr, which sounds fine to me.

    See you on Tuesday, and congrats.

  • http://gabrielgrub.blogspot.com/ June_Miller

    God, how I love bats.

    I motherfucking love bats.

    That is awesome. Australia fucking rules. Actually, bats rule, but Australia’s pretty sweet as well.

    .

    Met an Aussie at a bar around here, fairly recently, and upon first meeting him said

    ‘Ah, so you come from a land down under? Where women roam and men plunder?’

    Then I immediately thought ‘Wait, what the fuck, did you just say that to an AUSTRALIAN? Really??’

    He didn’t get the reference right off the bat, at least. I apologized profusely. He was thankful it wasn’t the ‘that’s not a knoife!’ routine. Smooth.

  • Cyndaelle

    I must know.. What was your thoughts on Shortbus?? It’s one of my favorite movies!

  • ButchKitties

    I actually enjoy epilating my arms and legs. Maybe it’s a pain/endorphins thing. I do it for me, my fiance doesn’t really care either way. I just find it very satisfying to spend an evening blasting Iron Maiden while ripping out body hair.

  • Bohemianheathen

    your coming to NEWCASTLE!!!! i’ve just died a little inside. so incredibly happy about this, can’t even explain!!! i’ll be there!!! and at the opera house too ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/vaselaginousnips Xander Cross

    amanda…as an owner of two wonderful aussie/border collies..i can say it is true about their learning curve. i have been wanting to say something directly to you for some time now, thank you. i have been writing and playing music for as long as i can remember. i was diagnosed with ms a bit ago, and have been slowly losing the ability to play the accordian, or any other instrument i play. i want to thank you for your music truly….it feels like someone is getting the message my heart screams. i hope to actually get to see a live performance someday soon. thank you amanda, just thank you.

  • http://www.astutebuyersadvocates.com.au/ Buyers Advocate Melbourne

    is it just me or the only picture i see is the library with millions of books ?

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